A Frightening Diagnosis

My life has been turned upside down. I was recently diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, which is 'a nonspecific inflammatory disease of the colon that is of unknown cause and is characterized by diarrhea with discharge of mucus and blood, cramping abdominal pain and inflammation and edema of the mucous membrane with patches of ulceration.' Got that out of a medical dictionary. Sounds gross, huh? It's gross, frightening and very painful. It's a disease that no one wants to talk about or hear about. That's the reason I started this blog. Hopefully, by posting about my experiences with this disease, I will help myself and other people who have this disease cope with it better. Yeah, there are sites out there that tell you about treatments and such, but I haven't found any that help someone cope with the day to day struggles of the disease. UC is different from other diseases because of the area of the body it affects. It's a part of the body no one wants to talk about, but for me it is the worst part of the body to harbor a disease.

My first reaction to the diagnosis was fear. Because of UC I have a chance of getting colon cancer. I will have to have colonoscopies every few years for the rest of my life. My future looks grim. I am a relatively young person so I will be dealing with this for a long time unless fate has other plans for me. How do you deal with fear? I try not to dwell on what is happening to me, but then it will sneak up on me when I least expect it and I feel like I am going to freak out. My biggest fear right now is that I am unable to work. Right now I am a self-employed writer and I want to get a part time job to help with the bills, but I am not responding to the medication and have to have another colonoscopy. This makes me feel like I should wait until I get my condition under control before seeking employment, but what if I never get it under control? What then? I used to be a healthy, active woman and this really scares me. I am fortunate to have an understanding husband and family, but what if something happens to him or he loses his job? This is a first for me because I was always able to take care of myself. I suppose freaking out will not help me either so I must try to get through the next month or so and see what happens. It actually does feel better to write it all down.