What is chronic pain like?

Chronic pain is like the endless sound of death metal music—super distorted guitars and a gun machine beat with no melody in sight. The singer grinds out what sounds like the Devil’s throaty pitch. The pain, the music, rattles my skull all day and all night. Or sometimes the pain sounds like a large rock being run over by a lawn mower, the blade grinding the stone in an ear-splitting roar. I cover my ears and it still doesn’t go away.

Chronic pain is like the stench of rotten meat or burnt flesh, stinging my nose, my eyes, and making me retch—over and over again. The awful smell follows me around every day.

Chronic pain is like the endless sight of a diseased foot with fungus or pus-filled sores. Or like a maggot-infested corpse. These repulsive visions remain in my head all the time even when I try to see something beautiful like a rose or a sunset.

Chronic pain tastes like this horrible-tasting antibiotic I had to take, which had a bitter, metallic aftertaste that made me wince and gag every time I had to swallow it. Or sometimes the pain tastes like sour milk. The horrible taste never leaves my mouth.

What is chronic pain like to you?

Cheers and good health!

Colitis Chick

My mad colon

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The Simple Things in Life

Living with chronic pain for about ten years has made me appreciate the simple things more. Just being able to get out of bed in the morning is cause for celebration. This probably sounds pathetic to healthy people and that’s okay. I never would have thought that the highlight of my day would be a morning walk. That morning walk is kind of cool though, sort of Zen-like with the way the sun rises over the mountains in a mix of dramatic shadows and red-gold light. I could use more moments like that to keep the stress away.

Life used to move fast for me with full time work and hanging at bars/clubs on the weekend, but now my favorite day is Sunday—movie day here at the house. Because of my illness, I can’t drink anymore and staying out all night makes me feel like crap. So, instead of going out drinking and listening to live bands (or being in the band because I used to play in a hard rock band), I look forward to movie day.

Other simple things I enjoy are gazing at sunrises, sunsets, moon and starlit skies from my yard. I also keep myself from going insane by writing (I am a published author) and reading anything from historical novels, fantasy or paranormal romances. This is much different from my old fast-paced life. And it doesn’t bother me that much either. In fact, I have grown used to this slower pace and I actually like it.

I think it’s better to surrender to the illness and roll with the changes it brings. It seems to work for me. Find that Zen-like place that makes you feel good.

Cheers and good health!

Colitis Chick

My mad colon

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Chrohn’s or Colitis?

I have no idea what is going on with me. Supposedly I have left-sided ulcerative colitis, but I have been having right sided pain and a lot of stomach problems that don’t seem to belong to colitis. I was also really tired, a scary kind of tired different from my usual fatigue, where I thought something was really wrong.

I saw my doctor recently and told him how sick I have been, the right side pain, blah, blah, blah and asked him if this was normal for colitis. He didn’t think so, but thought I had a secondary infection. The antibiotic he gave me specifically treats stomach infections and when I looked it up later, I noticed it is used to treat people with Chrohn’s disease. Chrohn’s is kind of similar to Ulcerative Colitis except that it affects the small and large intestine and can affect the anywhere from the mouth to the rectum. I think it is worse than colitis because it can affect the entire gastrointestinal tract and it would explain why I have been so sick. The problem is it is really hard to tell the two apart and difficult to diagnose.

Here is a link to more info on Chrohn’s disease and the different types: http://ibdcrohns.about.com/od/cdbeyondbasics/a/crohnstypes.htm

This link also shows some of the differences in the two diseases:

http://www.ehealthmd.com/library/ulcerativecolitis/UC_whatis.html

So, do I have Chrohn’s disease? Who knows? My doctor didn’t say anything and maybe it doesn’t really matter as long as I respond to the treatments. It appears Chrohn’s and UC are treated basically the same anyway. If I get sick like that again than maybe it will be time for more tests, but I don’t really want more tests. I hate tests and not sure they really help anyway. I have a chronic disease. That I know. As long as I have my appetite back, my tummy isn’t hurting too bad and I am back to my normal pain and fatigue, I’m good.

Cheers and good health!

Colitis Chick

My mad colon

Technorati Tags: ulcerative colitis,chronic diseases,inflammatory bowel disease,chrohn's disease

Sick of Being Sick

I feel like my life has been stolen from me. After dealing with one chronic illness for ten years and another one for three, I feel like I am going crazy. I can't get my life together because I always seem to be starting over. I'm sick so much that I can't keep a job and I feel like a loser. I have tried everything I can think of to stay healthy. I eat right to manage the colitis, I do my exercises to help with my chronic pain and I don't go out and party anymore, but I still can't stay healthy for very long. My doctors don't seem to know what to do with me other than to prescribe pills. I believe that the mind can heal the body, but positive thinking only goes so far. It's a temporary fix for me. And when I see other people with a chronic illness able to live an active life, I wonder what I am doing wrong.

I feel so exhausted trying to deal with being sick all the time. Try to imagine being sick with a flu-like bug every single day. That’s pretty close to what I have to deal with. It’s impossible to hold down a job and a battle to do regular, simple every day things like take a shower or grocery shopping. It involves a lot of willpower and drugs to be able to function at all. It’s real easy and tempting for me to fall into a black hole, but I am lucky to have a caring husband and family. And two dogs that need me to care for them. That’s a good motivator.

Sometimes I just want to scream. Will this ever end? Not likely. I try not to think of my future. If I do it just makes me scared and crazy. Wow, it turns out that ranting like this actually does help to brighten a dark mood. Cool.

Cheers and stay healthy!

Colitis Chick

My colon is really mad today

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