I feel like my life has been stolen from me. After dealing with one chronic illness for ten years and another one for three, I feel like I am going crazy. I can't get my life together because I always seem to be starting over. I'm sick so much that I can't keep a job and I feel like a loser. I have tried everything I can think of to stay healthy. I eat right to manage the colitis, I do my exercises to help with my chronic pain and I don't go out and party anymore, but I still can't stay healthy for very long. My doctors don't seem to know what to do with me other than to prescribe pills. I believe that the mind can heal the body, but positive thinking only goes so far. It's a temporary fix for me. And when I see other people with a chronic illness able to live an active life, I wonder what I am doing wrong.
I feel so exhausted trying to deal with being sick all the time. Try to imagine being sick with a flu-like bug every single day. That’s pretty close to what I have to deal with. It’s impossible to hold down a job and a battle to do regular, simple every day things like take a shower or grocery shopping. It involves a lot of willpower and drugs to be able to function at all. It’s real easy and tempting for me to fall into a black hole, but I am lucky to have a caring husband and family. And two dogs that need me to care for them. That’s a good motivator.
Sometimes I just want to scream. Will this ever end? Not likely. I try not to think of my future. If I do it just makes me scared and crazy. Wow, it turns out that ranting like this actually does help to brighten a dark mood. Cool.
Cheers and stay healthy!
Colitis Chick
My colon is really mad today
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