The upside to UC

If there is an upside it has to be that I lost weight. At first, it was too much weight too fast, but now that I have my UC under control, I have gained some weight back. Now I am at a weight I am happy with. Having UC means having to eat right, which means no salads, no nuts, no red meats and no greasy foods. Steamed veggies are better than raw ones. Everyone is different so you have to find the foods that irritate you and eliminate them.

I am eating much better now and I feel better. My latest colonoscopy was clean and I was so thrilled. The Asacol is working great for me. I am lucky because I responded to the medicine. That's not always the case. I also had a mild attack. Given the intense pain I was in and how sick I was, I would hate to experience a severe attack. Remembering the pain is what keeps me on track with eating the right foods. That is not an area you where you want to be experiencing intense pain. Believe me. It was freaking me out.

It's kind of a bummer because I love nuts, especially walnuts, but nuts are the worst thing I can eat. Luckily they have improved on rice cakes because I can eat those. I may have to watch what I eat, but I look much better in a bathing suit now.

Keeping a positive attitude

I try to keep a positive attitude while dealing with this illness, but I admit that this is something I still need to work on. It is so easy to fall into depression after being diagnosed with a serious illness. It changes your life. My life has changed so much. I was already dealing with reactive arthritis, but I had that under control when this new bomb hit me. I feel like my body has betrayed me. I go back and forth from feeling positive to feeling doomed. My latest dark feelings about this have to do with the gloomy future I have of endless medical prodedures and medical bills. But if I think about it, why am I dwelling on what hasn't even happened yet? Many things could change before then. I already tend to think that 'the glass is half empty' anyway so I really need to work on being more positive.

Writing really helps me forget my own problems and escape into my characters' minds. It really is a useful tool for staying positive. I would suggest to people who don't do any creative writing to at least keep a journal to channel their negative feelings.

Another useful tool is watching a funny show like Everybody Loves Raymond. Laughter really is the best medicine. Or just take in a beautiful sunset or moonlit night. Stopping to live in the moment and admire the beauty of nature makes me forget my troubles.

That is my new mantra--Live in the moment and don't dwell on the future.

A Frightening Diagnosis

My life has been turned upside down. I was recently diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, which is 'a nonspecific inflammatory disease of the colon that is of unknown cause and is characterized by diarrhea with discharge of mucus and blood, cramping abdominal pain and inflammation and edema of the mucous membrane with patches of ulceration.' Got that out of a medical dictionary. Sounds gross, huh? It's gross, frightening and very painful. It's a disease that no one wants to talk about or hear about. That's the reason I started this blog. Hopefully, by posting about my experiences with this disease, I will help myself and other people who have this disease cope with it better. Yeah, there are sites out there that tell you about treatments and such, but I haven't found any that help someone cope with the day to day struggles of the disease. UC is different from other diseases because of the area of the body it affects. It's a part of the body no one wants to talk about, but for me it is the worst part of the body to harbor a disease.

My first reaction to the diagnosis was fear. Because of UC I have a chance of getting colon cancer. I will have to have colonoscopies every few years for the rest of my life. My future looks grim. I am a relatively young person so I will be dealing with this for a long time unless fate has other plans for me. How do you deal with fear? I try not to dwell on what is happening to me, but then it will sneak up on me when I least expect it and I feel like I am going to freak out. My biggest fear right now is that I am unable to work. Right now I am a self-employed writer and I want to get a part time job to help with the bills, but I am not responding to the medication and have to have another colonoscopy. This makes me feel like I should wait until I get my condition under control before seeking employment, but what if I never get it under control? What then? I used to be a healthy, active woman and this really scares me. I am fortunate to have an understanding husband and family, but what if something happens to him or he loses his job? This is a first for me because I was always able to take care of myself. I suppose freaking out will not help me either so I must try to get through the next month or so and see what happens. It actually does feel better to write it all down.