I ended up in the emergency room and was given a shot of Demerol or something equally strong. Tests were done with no clear cause so I was sent home with pain pills. Once the shot wore off, I was still in pain, but it was mostly in my lower back and right leg. It was my leg that bothered me more. It was nerve pain, something I never experienced before and don't care to again. I couldn't feel my leg from my knee down, but what felt like sparks of pain would shoot up my leg to my back and I wanted to cut my leg off. No kidding there. It really hurt. I wanted to fall into a drug-induced coma, and sort of did for a couple of weeks, but I finally fought to pull myself out. Why? Because I was needed. My dogs needed me to care for them. My husband couldn't stay home with me. He had to go to work and make money so we didn't lose our house. So, it was just me and the dogs left at home. They depended on me so I would force myself to get up and feed them and let them outside. In a way, I needed them too.
Dogs have this Zen-like aura around them. They live in the moment and take joy in the simple pleasures in life. When I wanted to fall into the hole of despair because I was frustrated as hell that my body was betraying me, my dogs made me smile. They kept me company and made it easier to deal with all the stress.
Did you know that dogs could get colitis? When I was finally diagnosed with ulcerative colitis about 7 years after that first flare, I was a bit relieved because it explained what initially happened to me. The doctors missed it because I wasn't having the normal symptoms of colitis, but I will get to that in another post. Anyway, one of my dogs has colitis and besides being a really weird coincidence, it's kind of cool in a way. She is my inspiration for learning how to deal with a chronic disease. She never reveals that she is sick and takes pleasure in eating, belly rubs and relaxing outside in the sun. I know she has tummy aches and her joints hurt, but she doesn't wallow in self-pity like I, and most humans, tend to do.
This beautiful girl has colitis.
There is a reason that therapy dogs are used to help people in the hospital. They bring joy to the sick, spreading their calm demeanor around. Just petting my dogs makes me feel better. And last night when I was laying on my mat for my nightly treatment, one of my dogs came over and stretched out next to me to keep me company. As much as I love my husband and need his companionship, I can't picture him lying motionless beside me for thirty minutes on the bathroom floor with no sex involved. Nah. That's what dogs are for. Lying beside me, not the sex! LOL to you perverts out there.
I feel blessed to have a supportive husband and family, but my dogs get credit for pulling me out of a dark time and they continue to comfort me. That feeling of giving into depression still taunts me, more so since my diagnosis of colitis and having to deal with flares and unpleasant treatments along with everything else. All I have to do is pet my dogs or snuggle up against them and a sense of calm washes over me. I know that sounds corny, but it's true. Yeah, I can snuggle up against my hubby too, and I do, but I'm not sure he would allow me to pet him. Or would he? Hmm.
Cheers and good health!
Colitis Chick
My dog keeps me company during treament
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